I felt our baby move for the first time today

It felt like he was pressing against my tummy from the inside - first on one side, then on the other.

You really know you're preggers when....

... you get in from the rain and your tummy is wet on the top, dry underneath.

This IS Creation!

Hannah recently wrote about her experience when the news of our pregnancy first came to pass.

Here is my version...

There I was, hanging out at my parents' house  (the one I grew up in, in Cooney Street, Moolap - a suburb of the great city of Geelong - about an hour from Melbourne) trying to get my head around that fact that in 5 days time I would be boarding a jet plane to Peru (of all places) to start my new life.

I was finding this extremely hard to do and kept telling my friends and family that; ''It feels like I am only back here visiting for a short holiday and next week I'll  be going back to Bangkok, back to my girlfriend, back to my flat, back to my old life... ''

Little did I know that this was exactly what was about to happen...

I was watching 'Air Crash Investigations' with my dad - it had become an obsession in the short time that I was home (God knows why you would watch that show every night when you're a week away from flying across the Pacific Ocean, but I digress.) Hannah texted and mentioned something obscure about getting somewhere 'private' for a Skype chat.  I'm not sure what it was that piqued my curiosity, but it was just enough to get me thinking...
Has she finally come to her senses?
Is she ditching Bangkok and coming to Peru?

(''Doo Wee Ooo'' - you know that sound! - Skype Call Connected.)

Hannah:
''I'm pregnant.''

(The following extract is from my diary and is the raw, emotional response to Hannah's Skype call after she saw me turn white, told me to call her back when I had thought about it further, and hung up!)

22:22 Tue July 17, 2012

Hannah just Skyped...

She's Pregnant...

--------------------------------------Pause

6 weeks.

She did 5 pee tests then went to the clinic for a scan.

She's pregnant.

With my baby.

I'm in total shock.

She sent me some weird texts.  (I thought she wanted phone sex at first, but then it sounded more serious.)

She asked at the clinic if she could see a counsellor, talk to someone?

They sent her upstairs to an abortionist who was going to make it all go away. 

Her strong reaction was that she wanted to have the baby- so she got the fuck out of there!

Go Girl!!!

I totally panicked and shit my pants.

I am still shaking.

I have NO IDEA what to do... What does she want me to do?

I am flying to Peru in 5 days.

I have a 2 year contract.

I have a Resident Visa for Peru.

I have a 3 bedroom apartment in Lima.

I have a job at Collegio Franklin Delano Roosevelt American School of Lima!

I even have a maid - named Aurelia - for fucks sake!

This is BIG!

Forget that massive understatement.

This is the biggest thing since, since, since - HUGE!

I'm gonna be a dad! (I think?)

No - it's happening - I'm gonna be a dad!

FUCK THIS IS BIG / HUGE !

MASSIVE!!!

THE BIGGEST THING SINCE CREATION!

THIS IS CREATION!

Fuck! It's 23:22 - that was an hour? I guess we talked for a while - but I think I've now left Hannah hanging and alone and pregnant in my old (our) flat...

I guess I'm quitting my new job?

I guess I'm heading back to Bangkok?

God - she said she can do it on her own - she doesn't need me.

I asked her if she fancied a trip half way around the world. That got squashed. (And fair enough - no support network, friends etc, etc.)

I CAN'T THINK.

I thought my life was pretty complicated 2 hours ago.

I need to know what she wants.

If she wants me there to be the father of our child, then I'm in 2000%

I will be a dad and she will bear our children and I will love, honour and obey (but probably not marry) her and protect and nurture and love him/her forever and a day...

Is this really happening?

I need to make a call...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, I calmed myself (somewhat) and called her back.

I think, through the muttering and stumbling and confusion, I managed to ask her what she wanted.

She put on that face of hers.  The one where she inhales deeply, locks in her core, grits her teeth (very stiff-upper-lip.  Very English!)

''I can manage this by myself.  I am not asking you to be involved if you don't want to.'' 

''Wh... What if I did... What if I did want to?''

Her face broke then she laughed.

''Of course I want you to be involved - I WANT YOU HERE... NOW!!!''

''I do!''

We laughed, then we cried - she told me she had been regretting not asking me to stay for the last 6 months, but she felt she had left it too late with my contract sorted out in Peru etc. (Thought she left it too late? Ironic?)

Anyway - all of that flew out the window when she peed on that stick! 

Finally - Hannah Mary Waters has arrived at the place where I knew she would get to - where I dreamed she might get to - if only I could have hung on - and I did hang on in the end, but only by the skin of my teeth!

All it took was a little poor planning and some careless contraceptive practises around my birthday and BAM! New woman! Same beautiful, intelligent, gorgeous woman - but but very noticeably different.  I've never seen such focus, total Zen!

She was the one who got me through this period of initial shock! I was a total fucking wreck!

I think I also managed to ask - ''What if?''

''It's only 6 weeks along - what if this doesn't happen?''

She answered so perfectly:

''Well, I think I'd like to try for another one as soon as possible!''

What could I say?

''I'm In, baby! - Let's do this!''

Bump Up-date

So.... That massive bump that I had turned out to be a six week build up of farts.

I was out on a conference at another school yesterday and their canteen food (an uncharacteristically delicious shepherds pie, of which I had seconds) was my undoing.

My tummy is now relatively flat, with a dainty bulge lower down on the abdomen as opposed to the bowling ball I was carrying around for the last month or so.

Just thought I'd share that with you :)

Bump and Grind

Things a pregnant girl loves to hear from her boyfriend...
#1: Baby!  You look so beautifully pregnant!  Can I take a photo with you and your bump?

 

Things she could probably do without hearing...
#1: Bloody hell - where's the fish eye setting so I can fit your arse in the shot?

Back to the start again...

Lots of lovely, kind people have been asking all kinds of questions about how I’ve been during the pregnancy so far (thank you!) so I thought I’d just give you a quick retrospective on the first trimester.

How did I realise I was pregnant?

The short answer: Nausea, combined with turning into an eating machine.

I thought I’d grown out of my travel sickness but the trip back from Koh Mak was a bit of a nightmare.  I felt sick for pretty much all of the 11 hour trip home.  When I went out to the supermarket to pick up ‘a few’ groceries that afternoon, I came home with six or seven shopping bags full of fruit and vegetables, half of which I then proceeded to eat, straight out of the bag, over the kitchen sink.  I was like the human equivalent of The Very Hungry Caterpillar: I had made it through eight plums, half a cucumber, and an orange before it occurred to me that this was not quite normal behaviour.

How has the whole pregnant bit been so far?

The short answer: AWESOME!

Apart from a bit of nausea right at the start, I’ve been really lucky: no morning sickness.  The only symptoms I’ve had have been food cravings and tiredness, but anyone who knows me will attest that eating an obscene amount and sleeping a lot is kind of what I’m good at, so it’s not exactly out of the ordinary for me.  In fact, it’s quite nice to have an excuse to be a lazy pig for once J

The most overwhelming thing for me so far, however, has been this feeling of total… contentment.  I feel sort of light and joyful all the time.  I float around a foot above the ground with a smile on my face.  Don’t get me wrong:  I’m generally positive anyway but this is weird.  Like… I love a good old whinge as much as the next pommy but somehow nothing annoys me anymore – even Bangkok traffic!  I have nothing to rant about.  I’m just… mildly euphoric.  Weird!

Am I scared?

The short answer: shitting myself!

Morgs and I watched some birthing videos this weekend.  Oh my god!!  There were women howling and shrieking uncontrollably, in total agony.  It was brutal.  Can I opt for a caesarean?  I may do!

What are our long term plans?

Short answer: Bangkok baby!

We’re going to have the baby at Samitivej hospital in Bangkok, under the expert care of Dr Sankiat, who was recommended by several friends here.  I am entitled to 45 days maternity leave which, rather conveniently, falls in between February half term and the Songkran holiday so I get around 2 months off, all in.  After that, when I go back to school, Morgs is going to be the full-time baby-daddy and keep life running smoothly for us all.

So that’s the plan so far.  We’re both just having such a lovely, happy time of it at the moment that we’re not really thinking too deeply about anything.  Everyone is being awesome – both of our families and all our friends are being so kind and supportive and we’re so grateful to everyone.  Totally feeling the love right now! Xxx

Victory Is Mine! Neck Beard goes google!

To my unborn daughter / son...

VICTORY IS MINE!!!

Today, and maybe any day from this day forward until the end of time, (or the end of the internet - whichever comes first?) when you type NECK BEARD into google images - you will see your old dad looking fondly back at you like a demented freaking leprechaun!

Yes, you will scroll down and see (on the same search-page as your old dad) a few people you may have seen before...

Only Willy Wonka & That kid from Transformers! (I didn't know 12 year olds could grow neck beards? The effects they create in Hollywood these days!)

 

Only the great Jack Nicholson! (On a bender!) and Hollywood's most prolific pants man - George Clooney (A.K.A the JOKER & BATMAN!!! - Your mum will really love that one!)

Only the most famous footballer on the planet, Becks! (Although, as I will tell you every day for the rest of your life - AFL is the only football that real men play! Jimmy Bartel should be your real football hero!)

 

 

Introducing - Angelina's better half... Brad!

And Indiana Jones - my first Hollywood Hero!!! (I will never forget seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark as a 12 year old boy at the Village Twin in Geelong!!!)

 

 

Yes, its safe to say, daddy is famous. And may well be for the rest of eternity - considering these guys who must have uploaded their neck beard photos 150million years ago and they are still on there to this day!!!

Even Ex U.S. Presidents come up on the same google search page as your dad!

This guy uploaded an oil painting of himself! (Proving once and for all that google was around before photography!)

 

Fashion hey - here I was thinking I was being original, and yet - two hundred years ago these guys were rocking the Neck Beard like they invented it...

And they probably did!

My advice to you - forget fashion - don't be a slave - rock out your own style with the safe knowledge that even though you think you are being 100% original - its probably been done before!

 

And beware - although I have been showing off about being famous and being on google with some of the greats of all time, (and lets be honest - its a pretty tidy line up of legends!) there are also followers out there who can be found on my google page too... Guys like this...

 

Crazed Ginger Neck Beard (IRA Bomber)

 

Ahhh, The Dutch! Home of windmills, Neck Beards and high quality over the counter Weed!

WTF?

Even a girl made it to the Neck Beard page!

 

Moral of the story, unborn Spawn...

a) Fashion is a massive crock and we don't follow!

b) Being famous is fun for about thirty seconds.  There are those heady days when you find yourself hanging out with the brat pack drinking Dry Martinis with Jack Nicholson and playing wingman to George Clooney in the VIP section of an exclusive Manhatten Nightclub...

Then, "BAM!"

The next thing you know, you are just one of the rest of us trying to make ends meet and build a better life for your (unborn) children!

 

I shaved the neck beard off today.